I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
