your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
