the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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