Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it's like iHOP with fire
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
