I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
