Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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