I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
