I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
