Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
