Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
