i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
