I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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