hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
