He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize