In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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