Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
