If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
