he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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