I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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