she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
