two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
