i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
