Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
