It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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