You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
