There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
