i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
