wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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