Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize