before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
