I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
