Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
