I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's the barista slut.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
