Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize