I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
