from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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