The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
