So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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