who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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