too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
