I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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