I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I want to be your penis for a week.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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