i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
