I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize