i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
