AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
