Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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