you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
