For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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