And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
