dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
