Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
