He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
