I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your penis caused this!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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