My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
