i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize