I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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