and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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