i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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