that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
