Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
