hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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