why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
