We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
