look no pants
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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