You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
