are you still at the devil's house?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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