Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
