At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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