My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
