I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
