i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
