Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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