It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
