She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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