i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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