That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize