He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
