U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
