so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
