It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
