in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
