so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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