do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
