Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
