you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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