yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
