check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
