Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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