My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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