goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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