I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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