This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
