Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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