So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
