my vag is so smooth its legendary
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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