I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
