if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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