"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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