I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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