I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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