So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
