i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
