if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
