Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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