This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
