My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
