i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize