i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
