Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize