worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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