I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
