when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
