Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
