it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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