Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize