we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
