You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
