I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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