Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
