If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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