I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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